Man Thoughts: The Integrity of My People

“My integrity will take me a long way.
But our integrity will lift us out of the Miry Clay of Corruption.”- Martin Vito

If you are someone who walks in integrity, I urge you persist on that path. There is plenty of light in that kind of tunnel. The first light is you and the second is the people that you choose to walk, talk and do business with. Diaspora Africans have a challenge on their hands when it comes to believing in and supporting one another. Due to reasons owing to the economic climate we are forced to constantly surf over the depth of our personal and collective insecurities when it comes to matters of trust. We fear back stabbers, gold diggers, oppportunists, frienemies and adulterers in various forms. Sometimes it seems we would rather fear them or become them. In reality we have to confront them.

We cannot even speak long enough about our social ills before someone starts showing off about their personal achievements and attainments that only conclude on the note of personal glory. In that personal story no one else is included, no flag can be raised and no true honour can be awarded because our efforts are for selfish gain and not collective establishment of a decent vantage point. Our brand of teamwork is constantly laced with selfish ambition. The corruptions of the few become the corruptions of the many when we say nothing.

Our Family structures are riddled with secrets of things no one ever talks about. When will we ask ourselves the deeper questions about where we came from and whats resident in our DNA? Is my selfish ambition, emotional dysfunction, sexual addiction, impenetrable pride, pornographic desire a condition imposed on me by the nation I am in or a descendant of my “unknown” ancestors? If it is a combination of the two then I must weed out what is in me and spread the message of that clearance.

At some stage someone will have to ask the pertinent question about personal Family History before they ask us about National History. Secondary to that question should be where does my Family sit in connection to the history of my nation of origin.

The answers to these very two questions will start an avalanche of drive and courage to correct the wrongs passed on through ignorance and write the story that best reflects a heart sobered by deep discovery.

©Martin Vito 2014
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mrvitouk@gmail.com
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Leadership Notes: The Most Noise Doesnt Equal The Most Change

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare.

Edmund Burke

When I came across this quote it struck a chord within me that I thought I should share.

Sometimes people make noise without actually mobilising their convictions and because they are gifted they lead people into thinking theres a movement meanwhile they are only making noise(Creating a Distraction from their own woes). The illusion of noise(Creating a Distraction) is more serious than people think. It is so strong it distracts the focus from those who are actually striving to cause change. As a consumer Where does your support go? Does it go to those who are loud and buoyant for the sake of it or to those are implementing change? Imagine what a difference it would make if we put our support in the right place. Our generations are so full of so many unsung heroes because as a society we give priority to Noise(Created Distractions) rather than truth.

Perhaps this is problem Change Makers mostly face, perhaps

“Well Organised Noise feels better than Not so organised change”.

The first element is that change makers in order to be noticed need to take their presentation more seriously than ever before. Poor presentation sometimes clouds the judgement of the consumer and erodes trust.

The second element being that sometimes human beings would rather be distracted by a puppet master and his array of entertaining contributions than awoken to the reality of their own personal responsibility to make meaningful contributions. Unfortunately there are not many ways to make responsibility fun(foolishly exciting) except training people to see the benefits of being responsible.

For example we celebrate and are constantly entertained by musicians and artists who have risen and profited fromtelling their stories in mostly harmful ways and the stories of the suffering masses but how many of them encourage true honest entrepreneurship or personal development beyond perfecting their artistic perversion? How many of them call on you to make better decisions than they have made. Most probably know that to suggest you change could mean they lose your custom reducing their financial bragging rights. So how about they encourage the fool in you and use your money to live smart.

Ironically because they voice our pain or blatantly abuse it both of which strike a deep chord in the heart of the hearers they get the accolades as though there are no people who actualise change. How many of them really put you and I in a better position to actualise the dream we carry?

Other examples include, those people who campaign for women to change their ways meanwhile they themselves take advantage of the same women they are trying to save, or the guru whose message is true for everyone but is a stumbling block to himself/herself. Realistically speaking a great many of us will be trapped in the slumber of our entertainment.

Call it a far fetched dream or a deeper search for significance but Im pushing on to the day that those who actually mobilise change will be celebrated correctly even as they better present the change they propose.

The masses may not do it immediately, but who said you need masses to cause change?

Dont forget to pick up the new book written by myself and Lola Vito.

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send your email to.
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Leadership Notes: Influence and Attacks from Glory Hunters

Just realised I was one of those guys who never got picked for the 1st team 👀! loooool.

Disheartening I know but useful. Not being picked first always allowed me to see where people put their respect. It helped me to understand structure and ranking.

On the other hand not being picked for the first team felt somehow, like people couldnt trust me to deliver, majorly because they knew nothing about what I could do neither did they want to know. So in true false humility I hid behind what I thought was “Team” at that time. What I didnt realise is that I was neglecting my opportunity to be seen by always waiting for someone to finally pick me. I now know more than ever that I had to become a captain of my own team. I built up an awareness of encouragement and utilised even the little affirmation I recieved from those who cared including one of my amazing mentor Ms Edith Adesioye (CEO of Rehoboth Syndicate Consultancy). Acknowledging that I was no longer the victim of someone elses selfishness put me in better postion to deliver my goods.

The truth is we all want to be known for what we can do and what we can contribute however in our silence sometimes we are overshadowed by the Vanity of Glory hunters(People who live off your hard work and cut off your recognition) which overtakes our visibility.
Glory Hunters are usually a hinderance to your progress if you permit them consistent access to depreciate your personal values and peer pressure you into the corner of silence. They hunt for the credit on your effort and they go after the seed of your consistency.

I assure you, you must keep doing what you do and get wiser with your application of loyalty, why be loyal to people who are just present instead of people who PRESENT YOU? Glory hunters get tired especially when important work needs to get done and run out of steam when you the one full of “glory” divert your attention to the important people.
At which point what you were in secret becomes highly visible. Whatever happens dont stop chugging along and strengthening the value systems that got you to where you and keep you going. Remember this, Glory Hunters will will always be present when some form of success comes but dont depend on them for the fuel to achieve more.

When you decide to be the captain of your team make sure you dont have glory hunters in your midst.

#LeadershipNotes
All things said with Love and Respect
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Leadership Short Thoughts: Advisers

The people I trust to be my advisers are knowledgeable. They are Able to interpret my views, collectively analyse Our views and establish with me the appropriate course of action. I trust their counsel as much as they trust my ability to see things.

#Counsel
#Supporters
#RealFriends
#MissionMinded

All things said with Love and Respect
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Man Thoughts: Real Class has nothing to do with Thine Breast and Thine Ass

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Class has nothing to do with thine Breast and thine Ass
Demand something more of yourself from the depths of your soul
Something valuable that outlasts your lumps and your bumps
Something deeper that goes past the depths of your peaks
Its somewhere in there, hidden beneath your hair
Its somewhere in there, hidden beneath the filters on the photos you share

I wish I could see more of you and not your mutiple views of your figure
I know you think your looks attract me
But sometimes if not most times your looks attack me.
I cannot even appreciate the goodness in you
When I only see that dress is barely even on you.

You would rather get skint trying to show me your skin
You would rather be fair skinned than be fair to your skin.
If my love as a man is not for sale
Why is yours forever on discount even when there is no sale.
I wish you would value YOU more than I do
Because if you did I would learn to love the woman
more as a woman
And not an Idol.
Your eyes look like a dolls and it seems
Your only prize is your hair and your clothes

In all honesty where do I fit in?
If you are only obsessed with being a sex kitten.
My dreams, ambitions cannot fit between your legs
I need them to enter into and be repeated through the holes
In and around your head.

Just remember as you walk around your own ego
Class has nothing to do with thine breast and thine ass

©Martin Vito 2014
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mrvitouk@gmail.com
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Relationship Short Notes: Detox The Video

Have you ever wondered why it takes slightly longer to get over relationships when they are really done for? Well both @Lolasword and I cover the steps we believe any person who is emerging from a relationship to take these next few tips seriously. The only way you can get to the other side of a break up is by being honest with yourself.

These 3 steps will challenge you to think about things in a decisive manner and get to the stage where you can live without the influence of the other person in your life. Even if you were planning to get back together there is no use in wishing the relationship was what it was. Learn to deal with things as they are now.

Be bold and be brave enough to take the steps suggested…

Check out “Kicking it With The VIto’s

Part 1

Part 2

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Relationship Notes: Rose Tinted Glasses(VLog)

Have you ever wondered the reasons behind some of our worst dating disasters?
Are you tired of making the same mistakes over and over again?

Both my lovely wife and I have been in situations we could have more or less avoided had we taken just a little more time to think things through and become a bit more whole hearted about what we wanted from a relationship.

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In this Video we discuss some of the reasons people often stumble into disaster when it comes to dating and we both offer some personal insights into how we can become better at selecting a partner we can be with for a life time.

Theres nothing like a little honesty to get you thinking.
JUST PRESS PLAY

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Friendship Short Notes :- Friend or Foe?

“Frenemy” (alternately spelled “frienemy”) is a portmanteau of “friend” and “enemy” that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but is also a rival. The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical, and commercial relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions. The word has appeared in print as early as 1953.

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You are reaching that stage in your life where you need to take giant leaps of faith towards what you know to be the next level. Check your company. Some folks shouldn’t be on board your vehicle. They are too busy behaving like anchors at the times you need to set sail and sails when you need to be anchored. You have to be brave enough to step away, break away from friends who are not bringing out the best in you. You must also then be brave enough to stick with those who are fighting for your progress and promotion. Good friendships are not the result of natural selection they are the result of well informed choice. When you defend and fend for Frienemies you inevitably develop a bad taste for good friends. Unfortunately the road to destruction is paved with Frienemy intentions. You also have to quit trying to forge genuine relationships with ingenuine people. Don’t be the reason why your integrity is sold down the river because you were trying to impress a fake smiler when you could have stood better with a genuine person. Sometimes Frienemies get things quicker than Friends and the temptation to stray down the path of discovery with the “know it all” frienemy rather than the “Im discovering with you friend” is strong but if you want to maintain your integrity be sure to check the intentions of your company. Remember your true success is not really about you but what you choose to entertain you.

All things said with Love and Respect
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Relationship Short Notes :- Friends With Benefits

When people hear the word friendship it is safe to assume they are talking about this…

Affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.

It’s amazing how many people will cross this boundary to seek their personal sexual satisfaction. A man/woman can will peruse sexual benefits without any form of commitment most especially when they have no sense of purpose or self control. Be mindful of who you call “friend”. If you have ever been in a “Friends With Benefits Situation” you will know that it doesn’t take long before one of you starts to feel feelings beyond the purpose of the friendship. If you are the commitment type then you know this is not the best situation for you, in fact it’s just not good for anyone really…

Sex is more powerful than your personal power to suppress or be in denial. It is a tool which when used by the immature, naive or controlling people can cause irreparable damage to what could have been a functional, healthy and mutually elevating friendship. You should know that once you cross the line of friendship and have a sexual encounter with someone you like just “hanging” around with you are no longer “Friends” you are sexual partners… And yes it’s true once you give up that part of yourself to them you’re either going to want walk into love or walk out of total friendship with that individual. If both parties are functioning of sexual excitement someone’s going to get hurt.

There is no middle ground after self compromise & mutual compromise. Some people have “Friends with Sexual Benefits” as their standard of friendship. Real Friendship ascribes a sense of purpose and mutual growth between individuals but sexual encounters serve as an unnecessary bridge to emotional confusion. #RealTalk in that situation there are ropes involved! You can’t be sleeping with someone you call friend unless you’re married to them (ITS JUST SMART). Immature friends who are interested in using and abusing you for sex will work so hard to please your body but by now should know that they take the Love of the innocent quite frequently. When will your “Self Harm” stop?

The man who befriends women for sexual favours is not a friend but can be labelled as a sexual predator…He grooms vulnerable women and even men into a false sense of security and openness with the view that he can further take advantage of whatever essence those men/women have. Some women feel a strong loss of self esteem when they encounter certain guys because the agenda is not mutually favoured. The woman who befriends men/women for sexual reasons is also a sexual predator.. She is the woman with the sweetest lips full of “Lust” subtle “Perversion” and when she sees your inner tears/fears she promises that sex will fix your bleeding and she makes you taste what will never fit in a Purpose filled friendship. These kind of men and women cannot function without a sexual fix. Their personal failure to admit this to you from the beginning is what should prevent you from giving in to their suggestions. If you are a man or a woman practicing this kind of behaviour either change or look for the woman/woman who will put up with that👹. For so long you have taken advantage of the vulnerable then you will continue to hear me advise them against “Loving” You. I speak passionately on their behalf and aye! Enough is enough. If all else fails try being a genuine friend and this kind of behaviour is less likely to happen.

When sex is involved without “Commitment”💍 that is a compromise any purposeful friendship cannot afford…No matter how much we may want to make things work for us in these foundation less & broken situations. It may be smart to break away from any friendship that promotes sexual ties without “Commitment”💍.

This advice will only work for you if you decide to do away with the with sexual benefits. Oh and by the way…

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All things said with Love and Respect
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Relationship Short Notes : – Women & Compromise

Are you sure that the guy you’re with Loves you? Or did you fall for the Magician? A man who presents love in a magikal way but can’t keep up the illusion when you’re having an argument or dispute over his last telephone conversation with a girl who makes you feel insecure just by the way she looks at you. He’s fine with it and you consistently play along with the tricks because of the fact that he touches you in places preserved for a king worthy of that hormone. You give in every time he leans in and left up to you would even make up excuses for him to cover up the flaws in his trickery. It’s amazing how a woman can be tricked into accepting the abuse as a form of love. What you should do is maybe ask her where the compromise began.

What did her Dad say when she was 3 years old, 6 years old, or even 8? Was he ever there for her prior to her hormones exploding into romance and fantasy? If she has compromised herself again and again he probably wasn’t there and in a bid to stay irresponsible he stayed away during her teenage fluctuations of Pride, Anger and Rebellion or in some deeply unfortunate cases he was taken away by death. He wasn’t and in some cases couldn’t be there to disciple her passions into a young woman ready to receive love but more by his absence or absent mindedness made her ready to be manipulated into a false sense of physical attraction and emotional security. For so long she has sought to impress the wrong men. She abandoned all her moral values and mocks those who even try to keep themselves but deep down we all know she craves to be elevated by love and not Lust. She can only act out of Lust because that’s what she knows but what if she received Love for longer, would she see through the tricks of magicians before they even came to her stage? Perhaps…

If you are the woman described in this piece perhaps it’s time to look for help and deal with your compromise the right way..

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All things said with Love and Respect
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For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
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