Stop Pretending and Get Help

You know I don’t know how long people can ignore things that need to be talked about but I for one would prefer to discuss it before it becomes the storm I will be swept away by. So many of us really could be better people by now by, dealing with the wounds of the soul with care, dignity and urgency. When you are injured and maybe even see a hint of blood you think to yourself “I need to go to the A & E to make sure nothings broken.” If only we behaved in the same way when it comes to our emotional injuries, mental injuries we would heal quickly and be even more satisfied as people. When will make it a point tl ensure that nothing inside is broken?

Unfortunately most of us take out eyes off the ball of resolving internal conflicts and traumas until of course they start showing up in the things we do on a daily basis. Women who refuse to acknowledge the importance of men because even their fathers we absent or lacked presence in the home. Men who can’t bring themselves to the alter to marry out of concern that they too will bail out on an actual family because Dad did the same. Most people do nothing until it begins to tear apart their loved ones and literally creates casualties out of well meaning relationships and well placed opportunities.

Yes ladies and gentlemen please understand that when what lies beneath remains lies beneath.
We are slowly poisoning the source of our joys, strengths, abilities, connections and soon it will make itself known in some way shape or form.

While you fail, neglect, refuse, and reject to address your issues with some true conversation and therapy you are creating something in you you will either be ashamed of or will literally troll your successes.

Folks who are in denial are the hardest to deal with. They deny that something is bubbling over into another thing. They create lethal friendship connections, faulty relationships with the opposite sex and are just never available enough for actual transformation. They are the people who respond last minute to the storm warnings. They are the ones who devastate others way more and in so doing their most decisive tool is pretending they are actually OK when everything about them will KO the next vulnerable person around them in some way shape or form.
.
Please stop pretending and get the help you need PRONTO!.

Have a good day

@MrVitoSpeaks

Leadership Notes: The Most Noise Doesnt Equal The Most Change

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare.

Edmund Burke

When I came across this quote it struck a chord within me that I thought I should share.

Sometimes people make noise without actually mobilising their convictions and because they are gifted they lead people into thinking theres a movement meanwhile they are only making noise(Creating a Distraction from their own woes). The illusion of noise(Creating a Distraction) is more serious than people think. It is so strong it distracts the focus from those who are actually striving to cause change. As a consumer Where does your support go? Does it go to those who are loud and buoyant for the sake of it or to those are implementing change? Imagine what a difference it would make if we put our support in the right place. Our generations are so full of so many unsung heroes because as a society we give priority to Noise(Created Distractions) rather than truth.

Perhaps this is problem Change Makers mostly face, perhaps

“Well Organised Noise feels better than Not so organised change”.

The first element is that change makers in order to be noticed need to take their presentation more seriously than ever before. Poor presentation sometimes clouds the judgement of the consumer and erodes trust.

The second element being that sometimes human beings would rather be distracted by a puppet master and his array of entertaining contributions than awoken to the reality of their own personal responsibility to make meaningful contributions. Unfortunately there are not many ways to make responsibility fun(foolishly exciting) except training people to see the benefits of being responsible.

For example we celebrate and are constantly entertained by musicians and artists who have risen and profited fromtelling their stories in mostly harmful ways and the stories of the suffering masses but how many of them encourage true honest entrepreneurship or personal development beyond perfecting their artistic perversion? How many of them call on you to make better decisions than they have made. Most probably know that to suggest you change could mean they lose your custom reducing their financial bragging rights. So how about they encourage the fool in you and use your money to live smart.

Ironically because they voice our pain or blatantly abuse it both of which strike a deep chord in the heart of the hearers they get the accolades as though there are no people who actualise change. How many of them really put you and I in a better position to actualise the dream we carry?

Other examples include, those people who campaign for women to change their ways meanwhile they themselves take advantage of the same women they are trying to save, or the guru whose message is true for everyone but is a stumbling block to himself/herself. Realistically speaking a great many of us will be trapped in the slumber of our entertainment.

Call it a far fetched dream or a deeper search for significance but Im pushing on to the day that those who actually mobilise change will be celebrated correctly even as they better present the change they propose.

The masses may not do it immediately, but who said you need masses to cause change?

Dont forget to pick up the new book written by myself and Lola Vito.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

Leadership Notes: Escape Plan

Are you actively making efforts to live and survive in a negative situation/relationship/workplace and its putting you in emotional, physical, financial, spiritual and mental mess?
Has your situation brought you to promotion or dysfunction?

Perhaps its time you have to be brave enough to escape that situation by packing your belongings and leaving.

There are some things one cannot conquer until one has left the environment in which those issues are fostered.- Martin Vito

Try living a fufilling wholesome lifestyle in sodom and gomorrah.. 👀.. friend you may very well be forced to make some quick decisions when the time comes to escape. Whilst escaping Just remember that some situations are the way they are because we chose without foresight.

#EscapePlanForLiberty

Dont forget make sure you order your copy of my wife and I’s first book

All things said with Love and Respect
For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks<

Leadership Notes: Influence and Attacks from Glory Hunters

Just realised I was one of those guys who never got picked for the 1st team 👀! loooool.

Disheartening I know but useful. Not being picked first always allowed me to see where people put their respect. It helped me to understand structure and ranking.

On the other hand not being picked for the first team felt somehow, like people couldnt trust me to deliver, majorly because they knew nothing about what I could do neither did they want to know. So in true false humility I hid behind what I thought was “Team” at that time. What I didnt realise is that I was neglecting my opportunity to be seen by always waiting for someone to finally pick me. I now know more than ever that I had to become a captain of my own team. I built up an awareness of encouragement and utilised even the little affirmation I recieved from those who cared including one of my amazing mentor Ms Edith Adesioye (CEO of Rehoboth Syndicate Consultancy). Acknowledging that I was no longer the victim of someone elses selfishness put me in better postion to deliver my goods.

The truth is we all want to be known for what we can do and what we can contribute however in our silence sometimes we are overshadowed by the Vanity of Glory hunters(People who live off your hard work and cut off your recognition) which overtakes our visibility.
Glory Hunters are usually a hinderance to your progress if you permit them consistent access to depreciate your personal values and peer pressure you into the corner of silence. They hunt for the credit on your effort and they go after the seed of your consistency.

I assure you, you must keep doing what you do and get wiser with your application of loyalty, why be loyal to people who are just present instead of people who PRESENT YOU? Glory hunters get tired especially when important work needs to get done and run out of steam when you the one full of “glory” divert your attention to the important people.
At which point what you were in secret becomes highly visible. Whatever happens dont stop chugging along and strengthening the value systems that got you to where you and keep you going. Remember this, Glory Hunters will will always be present when some form of success comes but dont depend on them for the fuel to achieve more.

When you decide to be the captain of your team make sure you dont have glory hunters in your midst.

#LeadershipNotes
All things said with Love and Respect
For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

Leadership Notes: Reflection And New Thinking

Any and every person who has been an encouragement to my personal growth. Clap for yourself! You are special and I appreciate you.

— Mr Vito (@MrVitoSpeaks) December 18, 2013

I sincerely hope that my thoughts find you strong and well. As we wrap up 2013 I just want to thank everyone who was a part of my personal developmental process. Admittedly it is not easy to just share ones thoughts especially when they go against the grain of people you may still be talking to and engaging with on a regular basis. Anyway I share because I care, it is what it is.

Over time I have come to find that if you have a voice, you should speak and in doing so be prepared to accept whatever comes with that voice being heard and that includes the perks and the set backs. In 2013 I encountered so many interesting people who have some great views as well as some with not so great views in relation to mine. I learnt something from all of them and I sincerely hope that they have learnt something from me.

Ironically when we think of our personal development and its implications we rarely look at its impact on others. People who are self focused assume that personal development is all about “Me, Myself, And I” but really the best benefits are usually received by the people right next to you. A better me means that I give better advice to those in need of it, a better me means I see less of myself and more of the amazingness of the people around me. A better me means I trust people with the things that I discern they can handle rather than just what they say with their mouths.

In reflection there is very little I would do differently in 2013. I have made mistakes most especially mistakes unique to my Purpose and my desire to help others.

2014 is that time to improve as I realise what needs to be changed rather than waiting for time to go by before I look closer.

3 Things To do differently In 2014…

1) Stop assuming that just because someone has nodded their head in agreement to something you said it means that they are on the same boat as you concerning all other thoughts around the subject. Its likely that truth is as fleeting as a phone call or whatsapp broadcast. (They never take it seriously unless theres something tangeble in it for them)
“The truth looks good in the time of seeking but its very difficult to maintain in the time of testing”
When you share with someone something that you have discovered to be true over time and they seem on your side but when they are tested on that conviction they crumble and give all the excuses as to why its not such a big deal then perhaps you were never really in agreement. Please get it now. In the absence of agreement even the truth we agreed on can and will become our biggest source of dispute.

2) Leaving important decisions to indecisive people.
In dealing with people you will notice traits that destroy that persons well being as well as yours. When you forsake your convictions because someone is yet to decide which side they are on through their conduct, you subconsciously slow yourself down from progressive development.
You become an accessory to their indecisions.

“Indecision is an enemy to who you are going to be if you already know what you are doing.” Martin Vito

3) Put your hands up when you have tried your best to help and it has been rejected. I am in no way encouraging you to give up on “People” but I am encouraging you to give up on the messy situations in your life that pertain to someone else’s shortcomings most especially when they are not willing work with you. I believe in investing in people but I do not believe in allowing your time to be consumed by wild goose chases.

a) Its a wild goose chase when your contributions are taken with negligence.
b) Its a wild goose chase when your words and actions match up but they still dont believe you have integrity.
c) Its a wild goose chase when you Love them but they dont expect some heat for inconsistency.

Helping a friend is a good thing, but helping a friend and foresaking destiny well thats just dumb. So forgive me if it idoesnt seem like Im interested in chasing someone trying to hide.

That being said Im very much looking forward to speaking at length with those who want to be helped beyond the consmetic level of transformation. Matters of the heart are not taken lightly when they affect your destiny.

So much more good to come for those who seek answers without reservation.

All things said with Love and Respect
For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

Relationship Notes:- Visual Relationship DeTox 4 Women

THE VISUAL DETOX

If every good woman I know wants to be a wife in charge of her household then I prefer to be honest and frank. I want to see all the beautiful women I know loved and cherished. -@MrVitoSpeaks

In all fairness, what you are preparing for when you talk about being a wife is not just a role you watch on TV, its a defining role that isn’t for actors. Its for brave women ready to step up to the plate. There is no use in idealising being a wife and not doing the prep to connect to the Right man. A good man can make the difference between heaven & hell or particularly a woman happy or a woman scorned! Although my advice to clear up your mind vision may sound extreme, I’m going to require you to change your eyes, if not your glasses. (Brace Yourselves)

Throw out or box or Delete:
a) DVDs that strongly influence your ideas on love. Especially, sexually driven films/dramas. (Is the Love you see there, the love you have had in real life?)

b) Tabloid Magazines about Celebrity Love, Love Novels that contain graphic depictions of sexual activity and any kind of promiscuity. (I’m Single Handedly ruining your Lifestyle here)

c) Photos of Half Naked sexualized men on your laptop and phones. i.e Airbrushed “Perfect Men”

d) Get rid of the Ex boyfriends in every single way you can imagine, delete phone numbers, BBMs, WhatsApps, Pictures, Naked Pictures. DELETE DELETE DELETE. Certain memories keep giving you strength to return to your vomit.

I’m not saying you should abandon entertainment altogether, but I’m saying move from addiction to responsible management. This involves breaking away and doing without it for as long as you can without relapsing-@MrVitoSpeaks

I say this in respect to the female heart. These things are known to poison your genuine and right ideas of Love. You need to reset your mind for fruitful love and that will not happen whilst watching “Scandal”, “Real Housewives of Anywhere” or “Love and Hip Hop” or “Porn”.

What you think is reality is really someone’s entertaining edited glossed version of situations and some of them staged conveniently for “Drama” and “Arousal”. -@MrVitoSpeaks

When you think your life is filmed in HD you stop actually interacting and live like what you fantasise. Fascinated by appearance but never stopping to investigate what you think “IDEAL” is in reality.

The truth is you need to engage in some habit changing wholesome conversations, reading, socialising with Genuine People & Couples. To be a wife is a royal thing. You don’t become royalty by watching people entertain you.

You become royalty by pursuing your purpose and doing it passionately. -@MrVitoSpeaks

By working with the man you love towards a greater goal than your “Exhaulted Ego” “Exhaulted Beauty” and “Awards”. Being a wife isn’t about entertainment but it is full of entertaining moments.

That charm you pull off so well on social networking sometimes only works on the internet. It may get you into a mans bed but after that you wont be allowed into his head. -@MrVitoSpeaks

That being said I may sound like a man on a mission to transform you or at least spark a thought. All I ask is that you think about this and manage your intake of addictive media. A clear mind is the first sign post to locating the Love that you need to be the best version of you.

It was an ordinary weekday morning when Caroline first noticed how much pornography was taking over her life. With 15 minutes to go before she was due to leave for a job interview, she opened up her laptop to print off an extra copy of her CV and there, onscreen, was a grab she’d saved from a porn site.

“I remember the feeling of being sucked in, really wanting that two-minute fix, that numbness I got when I used porn,” says Caroline. “I was stressed out, and I risked being late for my interview, but I pressed play anyway and fast-forwarded it to the bit I wanted. It took two minutes.” But the relief was to be short-lived. “Afterwards I just hated myself for giving in and getting off on images that treated women like pieces of meat. But I kept going back.” -Guardian Article

If you would like to know what to do from this point check out what my wife has to say.

@LolasWord

http://lolasword.wordpress.com/2013/04/11/rome-wasnt-built-in-a-day-neither-is-a-wife/

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
Fybconnection@googlemail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks

You and Your Sex Life

Sex:-
[mass noun] (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse:

That all important powerful gift of connection that has brought many people together since the earth began and simultaneously torn so many people apart. The subject of sex is broad and this subject should never be taken lightly.

When you are growing up your body, spirit and mind develops urges to be touched, to connect, to be aroused, to explore and to have sex(Join With Someone Emotionally Physically & Spiritually). These feelings or energy in motion are not wrong, but most times we do all these things with the wrong people. If you want to be strong and careful with your body you can. If you are still holding on to your virginity I want to let you know you don’t have to be pushed by your feelings to do anything. Never feel guilty about having this energy and desire however be extremely selective about when and who you will share your body with. Most people struggle with how and when they will share their body.

As much as it depends on you, you can share that Love with one person for your lifetime. This to many may seem like a dated idea but believe me when I say I know many people whom this idea has saved from foolishness. When you have sex you mix everything you are with another person and yes there are strings attached, when you share your body Remember that that person gets a very intimate part of your life. Don’t share your inner most being with someone who is not committed to you for life.

But what do you do when the pressure to have sex comes from all angles of your life? It maybe time to control the mediations of your heart. The truth is sexual feelings do sometimes arise out of no where and this in itself is a harmless biological function that does not have to be satisfied. It becomes harmful when seeking to fulfil them in illicit ways putting you in a position to require a fix all the time. Sex with no foundations really leads to more sex with no foundations.

Many a men and women have fallen way below their potential in life because sexual desire got in the way of their life’s mission. If you experience over powering feelings of desire for intimacy seek to understand what triggers them in you and definitely be very discerning about who and when you will share yourself because once it is done it can never be taken back. In the right circumstance it is extremely rewarding. In the wrong circumstance well it can damage everything from finance to future children and even marriage. So really this is my advice and its your call.

All things said with Love and Respect
Please do subscribe and leave your comments below.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
send your email to.
mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks