Relationship Short Notes :- Stop Trippin!

Today’s thought is about the subject of Love and attraction.
Are you the kind of person who falls in love easily or gets into a relationship without counting the cost. Perhaps it’s time to start discerning exactly why you keep deciding on the same types of men/women. Attraction is about taste and whenever I speak to people I encourage them to change their tastes. Bad relationships are like unhealthy food. You never know the consequences of your diet until you’re sick or worse on your death bed. All these frequent pleasures of the eyes you enjoy without checking for the reasons some things are attractive. Many of us are attracted to what looks good but we find it hard to get along with those who are good. Those who are good and reliable, and faithful we make them our least considered friends but those who suit our tastes we make our romantic pursuits..something’s clearly not right and you my dear friend need to find out what it is..

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Bad Friends and Bad Vibes

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When you look at the world we live in and the hard times we encountered in our childhood you will find that with brokenness of the heart comes a strong desire to arise in and wield power. This kind of power we want is for a strong sense of control and self esteem.. What happens when a broken person seeks to wield unhealthy forms of power on you..
Today I want to speak to those of us who keep friends who are manipulators..

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at ANOTHER’S EXPENSE, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious and deceptive. Social influence is not necessarily negative.

When your friends become your manipulators there is a problem bigger than you on it’s way. A real friend will tell you.. “Watch out for that problem… This is for your benefit” a manipulator will keep their mouth shut and hope you don’t make it.. But how do we know we are being manipulated..?
Maybe the key is to unlock the conversation on what characteristic makes us vulnerable to being manipulated.

Do you suffer from the following?
1) The “disease to please” : Are you always looking for the perfect way to please others to the extent that you run yourself into the ground and destroy yourself and other good people in the process…? You may be stuck in an emotional cycle that is ruining you and making you susceptible to manipulation. In fact you are great candidate for manipulation.

2) Do you suffer from an Addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others?
Do you consider yourself at the bottom and always trying to get to the top by beating your friends? Well it is likely you can be a victim of manipulation by those you place first on the stage of your life..it’s highly likely you will choose pretentious people over genuine ones..
You have to grow smart enough to know that true elevation does not happen through addiction to anything..in fact depression is usually the result. It’s time to turn a new leaf and find friends who want to see you progress..

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3) Do you suffer from, Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion; i.e. a fear of expressing anger, frustration or disapproval) Yep you too could be the victim of manipulation from dangerous friends. There is this general consensus that you never get angry about anything but you and I both know that is a lie.. You do get angry but you bottle it up and unleash that anger on the unsuspecting. You may very well become the manipulator if you are not careful..learn to express exactly how you feel and even as you pour out be mindful of everything you’re pouring.

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4) Do you lack of assertiveness and ability to say no?
Again you too are vulnerable to experience manipulation. As my mentor once said you “people” in this case the manipulators will use you and use you and use until you can’t be used anymore. You know they are dangerous because they get real mad when you can’t help them anymore. First it’s their disappointment then the manipulation intensifies…

5) Do you feel you have a blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)?
Well you will inevitably be manipulated..
“never stop doing good deeds but always remember that even goodness has self control” let every good deed be a decision not an under handed coercion by someone who wants what you are…

If you already know your manipulators and think that they are up to no good it’s time to walk free of their mental remote controls.. Learn to say no and ask questions when you don’t understand them. Don’t be a slave but be conscious of your service to them.. Endeavour to stay sober and its likely you will catch manipulators out but if you fall for their charms and wits you may very well end up weeping..

All that being said

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All things said with Love and Respect
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Love Dilemmas…Cheating Husband

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I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. There are women at his job who swear they have had sex with him and that he says all kinds of mean things about me. We rarely have sex: One, I don’t care about it, and two, he cant seem to maintain a strong erection and three, I know it is adultery. I do not trust him. I want to leave and try to restore my marriage (a whole other drama), but my husband is busy running his own harem. I do not trust him either. I am not the type to run from man to man. I am not at peace with either. Hows should I deal with the first situation? When I told him that I was leaving he became abusive. I think if I did he would find me. I don’t think I am getting it all out. Please help.

Ok so a better understanding of this..

A Profile of the Guy
A) I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. (PRIDE?)
B) he says all kinds of mean things about me.
C) I do not trust him.
D) he has become abusive.

A Profile of Your Husband
A) my husband is busy running his own harem(Sleeping with many women).
B) I do not trust him either
The man you chose to commit adultery with sounds like a your husband in another mans body.

A Profile of Yourself
A) SEX = I don’t care about it (BUT YOU DO)
B) I know it is adultery.
C) I am not the type to run from man to man(But In This Case YOU)

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Relationships are a treasure or a liability depending on what you permit and can be terrible when personal mismanagement comes in. As people we are all granted the opportunity to make choices based on the result of our initial decisions. When you meet a man or woman that you think you should be loving. Always Ask questions…….. with a desire to discover the depth of trust worthiness in an individual.

Live with this consciousness that

“Character is developed through personal discipline”.

Just because you’re with someone it does not mean they will change for the better.. They may be influenced but it does not compel them to change for the better..

1) Your most immediate mistake was your initial decision to dedicate yourself to an unfaithful man.This truth will sting and heal.. Men know how to pretend but they can only deceive where permitted to do so. Now rather than question your husbands infidelity and face up to its consequences you have proceeded to do the same things he did to you and are now suffering an immeasurable amount of pain and disappointment. You cannot heal yourself with the things/people that hurt you. This is self destruction and before you can begin addressing your husband you need to address yourself. Your first point of healing is letting go of this man who is most certainly degrading you in more ways than one.

2) Step back and ask yourself why did you pursue an affair in order to deal with your disappointment? If your husband is unfaithful(Adultery)… You have permission to leave. God himself knows that these kinds of pains are unbearable. So why endure it if you know you cant stand for it? Leaving your husband and healing from your disappointments is most certainly better than committing adultery… At this rate you are delaying the inevitable..

3) Now If you are going to stay with your husband then it’s time to plan better than you ever did in the first place…when you got together its likely you didn’t build your foundation on what should be mutually shared values like…..

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and some good old self-control.

None of these qualities happen by chance.. They are all part of personal discipline and couples discipline. To give this Relationship with your Husband a future you will both have to work hard to dedicate yourselves to each other.. It’s going to take some hard work and some uncompromising commitment. For you to have an affair with a man known to work the charms on women would have taken “discipline”, concentration and a certain level of commitment. So that being said its wise to enroll on some counselling immediately but make sure that its something that you both want to do. When one person takes counselling seriously then problems of this nature will resurface.

CONSIDER THIS

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All things said with Love and Respect
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For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Inquiries
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5 Things That Can Break A Man

5 Things That Can Break a Man

Every man has the opportunity and choice to live a life worth noting or taking notes from. Most of us prefer to learn from things that make people successful but we constantly over look the things that make men fail. Everything we consider to be Success is subject to personal opinion and perception but here is the thing, few men know the things that will tear down their success should they attain it because people don’t always emphasis the character necessary to keep it. Here is a list of things that that have been found to kill, steal or destroy your success.

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1) Frequently Lusting for lots of women and refusing to commit to the right woman. When a man is not settled on the kind of woman he will be with for the rest of his life it is highly likely that he will experiment with many women in order to fill the gap. The absence of a good woman or the silence of a good woman or even harming good women, can have a detrimental effect on a mans mindset. Most times you don’t know what’s broken until you actually become faithful. A lustful life may be self justified in your eyes until you’re looking for a more dependable relationship.

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2) Putting your Integrity up for sale:- Its more than a physical offer. For a man to drop his guard, most times the promise of prestige, respect, riches& women can be a mans downfall. Men crave respect and anything that brings it quickly, they would willingly trade they’re integrity for. How often do men sell their integrity for that” 15mins of Fame” “Or one Night with that girl”, the effects of which can last for years but inwardly tear their psyche apart. Most never realise that they have subconsciously sold their soul, until Everything is gone. Remember without integrity,
(The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.) Any success you have over yourself can be snatched away in a moment. With all your endeavors and aspirations always keep integrity close, protect your heart as a man and keep your honor. It is your greatest treasure
That is MANHOOD

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3) Indecision: A man undecided is a man compromised. A man compromised is a dangerous man to be around. If you have ever hung around indecisive men you will know that the lack of decision concerning anything can make or break the respect you have for them. Left to “indecision” men will drown and never overcome anything in their lives.A successful man who arrives at a junction in his life and refuses to make a forward thinking decision will be the victim of unforeseen trouble. If you don’t know what you’re going to do next always revisit your initial goals and adjust as necessary. With no goals or personal development “Indecision” can spell the end of your life before its time…

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4) Adulterating Yourself
“Render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance, typically an inferior one.” Most men know when they are mixing themselves with something less than the right standard but unless something drastic happens, like loosing your marriage, loosing your business, loosing your house, loosing your children, you don’t do anything to stop. It could be bad friendships, bad relationships or even unforgiveness. Keeping yourself clear of adulteration is really an act of discernment on a mans part. Consistent failure to do this usually leaves room for “evil” in it’s most alluring forms to enter and snatch away the purity of your conscience and contaminate your heart.

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5) Poor Reactions in relation to (Self Control)
Poor reactions in important situations can mean the break down of a man.
Life always presents situations to us where we are to react in order to protect, or counter, or reverse or even change entire circumstances but a poor reaction can really be a life and death situation. As a man, poor reaction can mean you striking the woman you love, or going off on one because you have the facts wrong or saying words that you can’t take back. The ultimate outcome usually ends up something you regret in life. No one can ever preempt their reactions to anything but always be determined to remain in control of your actions.

Let me be clear, every man rich or poor, successful or aspiring for greater success must remain responsible for his own life. He should keep his lusts in check, invest in rather than sell his integrity, be decisive and active about his his life, refuse to degrade himself for temporary pleasures and make sure that self control is applied in all things pertaining to life.

All things said with Love and Respect
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10 Ways To Find A Good Man

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10 Ways To Find A Good Man

1) Stop falling in lust with and sleeping with “Bad” Men. Don’t give them what they don’t deserve to satisfy your feelings.

2) Stop Respecting and Rewarding bad or rebellious behavior in men who behave like boys. It makes bad men look good and good men look unattractive in your mind.

3) Accept that your eyes have deceived you in the past. Bad men all have something in common that you like. Stop liking that thing as a prerequisite. Reorder the List. Heart first then outward man.

4) Don’t hang around with friends that guys only want to sleep with but never want to commit to. Acquaintances rub off on you and your reputation.

5) Practice what you preach. Nothing more difficult to deal with than a woman who pretends to be someone she is not.

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6) Your Faith & Character, not your lusts should determine your expectations. A good man wants a woman he can dream with and fulfill destiny with.

7) Tell all good men around you that you respect their attempts at living a life of purpose. Be an encourager

8) Use your words as tools to connect people. A woman who hates people is usually very materialistic and that is unattractive.

9) Tell all men that like you that you respect honesty and you hate lies. Also that you’re not prepared to take a mixture of the two.

10) Forgive those who hurt you in the past. Let the damage heal through conversation, analysis, honesty, good friends, and read some books. Prepare for the right relationship with more attention and hope.

All things said with Love and Respect
Please do subscribe and leave your comments below.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Enquiries
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mrvitouk@gmail.com
@MrVitoSpeaks