Relationship Short Notes :- Friends With Benefits

When people hear the word friendship it is safe to assume they are talking about this…

Affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.

It’s amazing how many people will cross this boundary to seek their personal sexual satisfaction. A man/woman can will peruse sexual benefits without any form of commitment most especially when they have no sense of purpose or self control. Be mindful of who you call “friend”. If you have ever been in a “Friends With Benefits Situation” you will know that it doesn’t take long before one of you starts to feel feelings beyond the purpose of the friendship. If you are the commitment type then you know this is not the best situation for you, in fact it’s just not good for anyone really…

Sex is more powerful than your personal power to suppress or be in denial. It is a tool which when used by the immature, naive or controlling people can cause irreparable damage to what could have been a functional, healthy and mutually elevating friendship. You should know that once you cross the line of friendship and have a sexual encounter with someone you like just “hanging” around with you are no longer “Friends” you are sexual partners… And yes it’s true once you give up that part of yourself to them you’re either going to want walk into love or walk out of total friendship with that individual. If both parties are functioning of sexual excitement someone’s going to get hurt.

There is no middle ground after self compromise & mutual compromise. Some people have “Friends with Sexual Benefits” as their standard of friendship. Real Friendship ascribes a sense of purpose and mutual growth between individuals but sexual encounters serve as an unnecessary bridge to emotional confusion. #RealTalk in that situation there are ropes involved! You can’t be sleeping with someone you call friend unless you’re married to them (ITS JUST SMART). Immature friends who are interested in using and abusing you for sex will work so hard to please your body but by now should know that they take the Love of the innocent quite frequently. When will your “Self Harm” stop?

The man who befriends women for sexual favours is not a friend but can be labelled as a sexual predator…He grooms vulnerable women and even men into a false sense of security and openness with the view that he can further take advantage of whatever essence those men/women have. Some women feel a strong loss of self esteem when they encounter certain guys because the agenda is not mutually favoured. The woman who befriends men/women for sexual reasons is also a sexual predator.. She is the woman with the sweetest lips full of “Lust” subtle “Perversion” and when she sees your inner tears/fears she promises that sex will fix your bleeding and she makes you taste what will never fit in a Purpose filled friendship. These kind of men and women cannot function without a sexual fix. Their personal failure to admit this to you from the beginning is what should prevent you from giving in to their suggestions. If you are a man or a woman practicing this kind of behaviour either change or look for the woman/woman who will put up with that👹. For so long you have taken advantage of the vulnerable then you will continue to hear me advise them against “Loving” You. I speak passionately on their behalf and aye! Enough is enough. If all else fails try being a genuine friend and this kind of behaviour is less likely to happen.

When sex is involved without “Commitment”💍 that is a compromise any purposeful friendship cannot afford…No matter how much we may want to make things work for us in these foundation less & broken situations. It may be smart to break away from any friendship that promotes sexual ties without “Commitment”💍.

This advice will only work for you if you decide to do away with the with sexual benefits. Oh and by the way…

All things said with Love and Respect
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Visual Relationship DeTox For Men

So, what makes real men want to take a second look? The most popular answer might surprise you:

“The first thing I notice about a woman is her face. If she isn’t pretty, then I won’t talk to her. But if she has a pretty face, I will start a conversation.” – Joey, 22

“I always notice a girl’s style first. I check out how she carries herself, how she walks, and what kind of vibe I get from her.” – John, 23

“I notice her hair and feet, especially if she’s wearing open-toe sandals. How a woman’s hair and feet look tells me how much she takes care of herself.” – Derrick, 39

Well I’m going to try and be as honest as I can when it comes to the man and his relationship detox.
Search most men’s phone and and handheld devices.. In fact anything with a hard drive and you’re likely to find that which causes men to remain creatures that can only be visually enticed.

If her Face isn’t “Nice”, We check the breasts, if the breasts aren’t to our taste, We check the Butt, If the Butt isn’t to our taste we check the “Attire”. If the total combination of all this isn’t making us rush with desire then it seems as though this woman has failed to meet our preconception. We are prepared to reject her and move on with no regrets or questions. If she is after us we play the game as best we can until we find what we think we are looking for. My question however is what is it that informs our personal filters as men?

In my community I know that there are many ways to meet women and that there are plenty of good, driven women perusing that higher life with a good man but why are good women and good men missing each other? Is it because the good women are doing something wrong(maybe) or is it because the good men are seeing something wrong with mature definite women?

The truth is every man knows the things that turn him on. However rarely do we ever as men question what, and why we find certain kinds of women more attractive. Sexual allure comes in so many guises and although men will not fall for all of it but because we are creatures of visual appeasement, procreation and dominion so naturally we can still slip into the spell of the huntress who knows how to secure our attention but dismantles our heart.

Whatever has informed your manhood and attraction to the opposite sex Time to have a better idea of what to go for and what to avoid..

1) Is she a SEDUCTRESS/JEZEBEL/? The one who has nothing to offer except what she knows a man craves for “Sexual attention”. She plays the sweet tunes that can only charm a man who entertains lies. She knows that you are a pet in her box, a snake in her basket. She speaks with rhythms that make you sway internally but she breaks your mind in places you don’t even know exist. She enslaves you with premeditated, tried and tested, foolishness inducing words and actions like that of a poet with permission to take the centre stage of your life. She knows your address, your bank account, the workings of your business but leaves the door open for the thief at night. She protects her growing interests in your growing empire of “Vision, Knowledge, Wealth and Connection” but the thief is doing daily physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual withdrawals that you justify because of your addiction to her (you know what) but know not of the consequences. Time flies when you’re having fun but the curses of her tongue fly when you’re having drama. Wake up she’s working on you and setting the timer for your self destruct sequence. She is watching your throne and wants to take it from you.

2) Is She a Delilah?: The one who in the beginning seems like there’s nothing wrong but ultimately she’s coming from the wrong place. She speaks your language and could articulate your dream to you with added beauty and accuracy. She wants your secrets but you don’t know whether its you she wants to be with or the dream. She gives you and others signals at the same time and so you cannot differentiate between you and her other guy friends but she knows how to wing you back in when you stray from your dedication.
She sees through the Armor you wear and can tell you your weak spots. She always wants emotional sympathy but never gives you the same rope to climb out of your despair. Your suffering is her chance to be the Heroine, sniff till you are high but just when you think she has saved you your desire for her is like a bottomless pit. You will lie to get her back, you will buy anything to buy her back, cry to seal her cracks but when she is done with the “Fallen You” she will betray you with the thing you have always feared most… “Loneliness”. Wake up she’s watching your Strength and wants to take it from you.

3) Then there is The Companion/Undercover Queen. She doesn’t demand a title but you and I both know she deserves it. She was faithful to you when you went out with Delilah and had a threesome with Jezebel but she never disrespected herself whilst waiting for you. The truth is you don’t deserve her yet you know she is amazing. She put clothes on you and made you a man after the right things. She encourages focus and determination but opens her arms to you in your times of Downward spirals. She comforts the heart with her presence and speaks words born from Kindness and courage. She doesn’t seek control more that she will help you remain in control. She sees your heart as a treasure she would protect with her life. The only thing she asks isn’t that you “Respect” her but that you Love her before and after her sacrifices for you. It’s not about how she looks but her looks can make a man live for a purpose greater than himself. Her Conduct inspires the Legacy in you and keeps the leader in you and your trusted counsellors, happy. Wake UP! She’s watching Your Throne and Wants to Sit next to YOU!

All things said with Love and Respect
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Love Dilemmas…Cheating Husband

I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. There are women at his job who swear they have had sex with him and that he says all kinds of mean things about me. We rarely have sex: One, I don’t care about it, and two, he cant seem to maintain a strong erection and three, I know it is adultery. I do not trust him. I want to leave and try to restore my marriage (a whole other drama), but my husband is busy running his own harem. I do not trust him either. I am not the type to run from man to man. I am not at peace with either. Hows should I deal with the first situation? When I told him that I was leaving he became abusive. I think if I did he would find me. I don’t think I am getting it all out. Please help.

Ok so a better understanding of this..

A Profile of the Guy
A) I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. (PRIDE?)
B) he says all kinds of mean things about me.
C) I do not trust him.
D) he has become abusive.

A Profile of Your Husband
A) my husband is busy running his own harem(Sleeping with many women).
B) I do not trust him either
The man you chose to commit adultery with sounds like a your husband in another mans body.

A Profile of Yourself
A) SEX = I don’t care about it (BUT YOU DO)
B) I know it is adultery.
C) I am not the type to run from man to man(But In This Case YOU)

Relationships are a treasure or a liability depending on what you permit and can be terrible when personal mismanagement comes in. As people we are all granted the opportunity to make choices based on the result of our initial decisions. When you meet a man or woman that you think you should be loving. Always Ask questions…….. with a desire to discover the depth of trust worthiness in an individual.

Live with this consciousness that

“Character is developed through personal discipline”.

Just because you’re with someone it does not mean they will change for the better.. They may be influenced but it does not compel them to change for the better..

1) Your most immediate mistake was your initial decision to dedicate yourself to an unfaithful man.This truth will sting and heal.. Men know how to pretend but they can only deceive where permitted to do so. Now rather than question your husbands infidelity and face up to its consequences you have proceeded to do the same things he did to you and are now suffering an immeasurable amount of pain and disappointment. You cannot heal yourself with the things/people that hurt you. This is self destruction and before you can begin addressing your husband you need to address yourself. Your first point of healing is letting go of this man who is most certainly degrading you in more ways than one.

2) Step back and ask yourself why did you pursue an affair in order to deal with your disappointment? If your husband is unfaithful(Adultery)… You have permission to leave. God himself knows that these kinds of pains are unbearable. So why endure it if you know you cant stand for it? Leaving your husband and healing from your disappointments is most certainly better than committing adultery… At this rate you are delaying the inevitable..

3) Now If you are going to stay with your husband then it’s time to plan better than you ever did in the first place…when you got together its likely you didn’t build your foundation on what should be mutually shared values like…..

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and some good old self-control.

None of these qualities happen by chance.. They are all part of personal discipline and couples discipline. To give this Relationship with your Husband a future you will both have to work hard to dedicate yourselves to each other.. It’s going to take some hard work and some uncompromising commitment. For you to have an affair with a man known to work the charms on women would have taken “discipline”, concentration and a certain level of commitment. So that being said its wise to enroll on some counselling immediately but make sure that its something that you both want to do. When one person takes counselling seriously then problems of this nature will resurface.

CONSIDER THIS

All things said with Love and Respect
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Single Man & His Desired Relationship

Single and Looking….Man

For those of us who are single, I want you to know that there is no peak time or rush hour for love. This is really the best time for you. A good relationship is always around the corner the question is just how great is your vision at the moment?

Men:- A man must be searching not just longing for the woman he needs. Things and people don’t just appear and if they do appear in the absence of our preparation they will be hard to trust.

You have to actively search your heart, your surroundings and discern amidst your female friends, someone who would be a great candidate.

I am not so sure, what it is about ‘relationships’ that hates ‘friendship’. Most men will look past a good female friend in favour of a girl who knows nothing about them. This may be one of our issues right, we(Men) are not keen to be with someone whom we have exposed our flaws and emotions to and in even some cases our sexuality to. Now the irony is that you eventually end up revealing your self to your partner anyway. *___*

Men, I suggest that you should save yourself the hassle and look for “the one” amidst your lady friends. The only reason this will ring alarm bells is because you constantly hang around women you find attractive but you can’t have or you never trust them. How do you hang around people you can’t trust and really be comfortable?

Pursuing a girl who knows you can be very tricky especially if you have been a difficult man in your past, but you know what becoming a new man is, what it’s all about. The new man who you are becoming is the “One” whom you can introduce to your future wife.

Also for the sake of the new man that will emerge from you, I suggest you read some books to really get a good focus on what you need in a woman. The truth is Pornography, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter just won’t teach you anything other than things that you want to see, Or lust after but cannot “Respect” You.
Dont mess up your “sex drive” and damage your mindset on how love is supposed to work in the real world. With a real woman.

As a man be picky about what informs you and fuels your vision for yourself. Test the examples you encounter and don’t just follow and imitate any man because He is rich and (Financially) successful because his choices concerning everything I recommended you study will determine where you end up.

All things said with Love and Respect
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3 Things that Clean Up Your Destiny

3 Things To Do To Clean Up Your Destiny

1) Stop swearing
The mouth is the true fire starter, its the place where Issues are kindled and some destroyed. A Lot of people disrespect their destiny and that of others with their poor expressions of opnion. Often a person will swear and curse in midst of their sentence, yet little do they know not only do they corrupt themselves but the people who honour them with time.
When you value your mouth less you value your connections even less. I personally dont like people swearing around me I find it offensive. Now thats just me but say for instance you are looking to win over prospective partners for anything, if your mouth is filled foul things its going to be very hard because potential partners can offend easily. Its as simple as purifying your mouth for the sake of your destiny and that of others.

2) Do not sleep around anymore.
Sex is powerful, I have often called it the bonding Glue between a man and his wife. Now when that glue is used between the wrong people for selfish purposes, well lets just say Destiny is at stake now……
Every man or woman that you sleep with carries all his own burdens, they carry all their own enemies. When you sleep with someone you make an open declaration to the world that whatever you do to this man/woman you do to me. Sometimes we carry shame from past relationships not because we want to but because we slept with the person. We carry hatred, anger, lies and all these other negative characteristics because we slept with that person. I recently watched a program called Unsafe sex in the city and when one was asked the question about their sexual history ove the past three months and some would say 80!!
Thats more than nasty, thats personal prostituion. Heres the truth, your mind, body, and spirit will pay the ultimate price for every body that you lay with, its only a matter of time.

3) Control Your Thoughts
Let no man lie to you about the fact that your thoughts represent a large quantity of what you will become. If indeed your thoughts are focused on things that will build your life and that of those around you then youre in a good place. I personally recommend upgrading from positive thought to Godly thought I say this mainly because what some people reguard as positive is slowly changing. We are calling what is Bad Good and What is good bad. Now Biblical thought and lifestyle is timeless, it stays the same yet it is able to transform a mans thought from foolishness to meaningful, purposeful living. Any man or woman of influence will tell you that Athesim is not able to make you successful because it is only based on a mans opinion of Humanities existance. Also the absence of self control in your thought life means the first two points will become your worst enemy.

All things said with Love and Respect
Please do subscribe and leave your comments below.

For Learning Engagements, Problems and Personal Development Enquiries
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@MrVitoSpeaks