I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. There are women at his job who swear they have had sex with him and that he says all kinds of mean things about me. We rarely have sex: One, I don’t care about it, and two, he cant seem to maintain a strong erection and three, I know it is adultery. I do not trust him. I want to leave and try to restore my marriage (a whole other drama), but my husband is busy running his own harem. I do not trust him either. I am not the type to run from man to man. I am not at peace with either. Hows should I deal with the first situation? When I told him that I was leaving he became abusive. I think if I did he would find me. I don’t think I am getting it all out. Please help.
Ok so a better understanding of this..
A Profile of the Guy
A) I am with a guy who is most of the time really good to me. However, he is the kind who thinks VERY highly of himself. (PRIDE?)
B) he says all kinds of mean things about me.
C) I do not trust him.
D) he has become abusive.
A Profile of Your Husband
A) my husband is busy running his own harem(Sleeping with many women).
B) I do not trust him either
The man you chose to commit adultery with sounds like a your husband in another mans body.
A Profile of Yourself
A) SEX = I don’t care about it (BUT YOU DO)
B) I know it is adultery.
C) I am not the type to run from man to man(But In This Case YOU)
Relationships are a treasure or a liability depending on what you permit and can be terrible when personal mismanagement comes in. As people we are all granted the opportunity to make choices based on the result of our initial decisions. When you meet a man or woman that you think you should be loving. Always Ask questions…….. with a desire to discover the depth of trust worthiness in an individual.
Live with this consciousness that
“Character is developed through personal discipline”.
Just because you’re with someone it does not mean they will change for the better.. They may be influenced but it does not compel them to change for the better..
1) Your most immediate mistake was your initial decision to dedicate yourself to an unfaithful man.This truth will sting and heal.. Men know how to pretend but they can only deceive where permitted to do so. Now rather than question your husbands infidelity and face up to its consequences you have proceeded to do the same things he did to you and are now suffering an immeasurable amount of pain and disappointment. You cannot heal yourself with the things/people that hurt you. This is self destruction and before you can begin addressing your husband you need to address yourself. Your first point of healing is letting go of this man who is most certainly degrading you in more ways than one.
2) Step back and ask yourself why did you pursue an affair in order to deal with your disappointment? If your husband is unfaithful(Adultery)… You have permission to leave. God himself knows that these kinds of pains are unbearable. So why endure it if you know you cant stand for it? Leaving your husband and healing from your disappointments is most certainly better than committing adultery… At this rate you are delaying the inevitable..
3) Now If you are going to stay with your husband then it’s time to plan better than you ever did in the first place…when you got together its likely you didn’t build your foundation on what should be mutually shared values like…..
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and some good old self-control.
None of these qualities happen by chance.. They are all part of personal discipline and couples discipline. To give this Relationship with your Husband a future you will both have to work hard to dedicate yourselves to each other.. It’s going to take some hard work and some uncompromising commitment. For you to have an affair with a man known to work the charms on women would have taken “discipline”, concentration and a certain level of commitment. So that being said its wise to enroll on some counselling immediately but make sure that its something that you both want to do. When one person takes counselling seriously then problems of this nature will resurface.
All things said with Love and Respect
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